Based in our city of Angels, H. Alan Scott is a professional funny man and writer. His work has been featured on MTV, VICE, Esquire, Huffington Post, Thought Catalog, Daily Dot, Nerdist, and Fusion. His TV work includes appearances on CNN, MTV, Fusion, and Jimmy Kimmel Live, as well as consulting on Fusion’s “No, You Shut Up” and TV Land’s “Younger.” H. Alan chronicled his cancer diagnosis with #Chemocation, currently being made into a memoir. He co-hosts Out on the Lanai: The Golden Girls Podcast and Talking Crime, a “not so serious” true crime comedy response podcast.
So, Ma Nishma (what’s up)?
Currently lamenting the sleeve of Thin Mints I polished off last night. Why did I do that, and why do I let those Girl Scouts get me every year?!
What was the first thing you said aloud this morning?
“Booty bump, booty bump, booty bump,” as I patted my cat Frasier’s butt. It’s a facility ritual.
What movie title would sum up your life?
That’s a tough question. I’m a huge movie freak. I probably most relate to Rick Moranis in ‘Little Shop of Horrors.’ Like Seymour, I’m always trying to make something happen, while secretly harboring crushes and dealing with immense social anxiety and self-confidence issues. But ultimately, like Seymour, hopefully I’ll make it, and get the girl—or in my case, boy.
First concert you ever attended?
Belinda Carlisle at Six Flags Mid-America outside St. Louis, Missouri in 1987.
Your spirit animal?
Panda. If only I could let myself be that lazy.
Blue or black ink?
Black, only black, what are you, mad?
Would you rather be rich or famous?
This is an evil question. But I’d say rich, because then I could just buy myself some fame.
We gave you $50, what do you buy?
Treat myself to a day at Wi Spa in Koreatown. Sauna, Korean BBQ, maybe a massage. This is happening, right? I get $50 for doing this?
You know you live in LA when…
Someone suggests a hike as a legitimate first date option. Don’t do this, it’s wrong.
Where/what was the best meal you’ve eaten in LA?
This Indian place in Los Feliz called Agra Cafe. I’ve taken so many dates there. The men don’t last, but I keep coming back for the food. There’s a metaphor here somewhere.
3 people you’d invite to your fantasy dinner party?
Kathy Bates, Hillary Clinton, and Wendy Williams.
What’s your party trick?
Showing up to the party. I don’t leave my apartment easily.
Favorite Jewish holiday?
Purim, which feels basic and easy, but I like any holiday that encourages inappropriate behavior.
A question you’ve always wanted to ask a Rabbi?
What’s your favorite curse word?
What do you wish you knew about Jewish culture?
Oh, so much. I’m a convert, raised Mormon—working on a documentary, ask me about it—so I have a ton of things that I want to know about. Right now I’m really invested in learning more about Argentinian Jews, and their connection to Germany. I’m not sure what my goal is, but I feel like there are stories there that need to be told.
You start a band to play Bar Mitzvahs, what are you guys called?
Challah Back at Me Gurl
3 funniest Jewish comedians of all time?
As a comedian, I can’t do this. BUT, here are three that had a huge impact on me: Sandra Bernhard, Nora Ephron, and Garry Shandling.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he’s vegetarian and was standing outside a Chick-fil-A.
Considering that I host two podcasts, I’m going to say mine: ‘Out on the Lanai: A Golden Girls Podcast’ and ‘Talking Crime: A Not-So-Serious True Crime Response Podcast.’
Your resolution for 2017 is…
To be able to sit down without pulling out my shirt.
You’ll know you “made it” when…
I survived cancer, so I’ve already made it. Everything after that is just a gift.
Give us your top 3 on the East Side (1 in each category) for
Food / Drinks: I’m a trash person, but House of Pies has the best chicken tenders. I’m serious about this. And you get PIE!
Hang & Chill: My apartment. If you’re nice, I’ll have you over. If you’re handsome, add me on Facebook immediately.